are you so shy because you have an std?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
