we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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