Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
