You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
