I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
