bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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