Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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