He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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