Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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