I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
