why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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