no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
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