Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
