I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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