I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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