I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
