Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
