Someone shit on the floor
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize