She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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