He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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