yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
