just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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