I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
