New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
worst night to have a conscience
And the cops told us we were all naked.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize