I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
