Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
