We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
