Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize