she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The Olympian is in my bed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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