I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
