I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
