It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
