remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
