I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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