You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
