I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
