I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
