Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
