Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
