I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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