I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
