I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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