the condom got lost in my hair
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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