moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it because I queefed?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
