My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
