I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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