dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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