so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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