We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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