Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
