I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my being single is dangerous.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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