i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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