Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
