C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
