Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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