Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
