Jerry, you need to find god
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
