so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
