My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
