it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
