She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
